2 years after graduation

Right now, i'm in Indonesia after 2 years graduate from Singapore. I never thought i would be working in Indonesia back then.

As time go on, people grow, and i hope i really have grown.

However, 2 years have passed, and i felt like i still going nowhere.

No career path, no real career. Kinda lost.

Thought of starting something, but felt being left alone. I cant do things alone.

Where can i get back my team?

I gotta go

i feel so helpless here. I have to rely on myself /\
Darn.,.. i feel so terrible now... for being nice to ppl, ppl take advantages of me...
I offer my helps, but my helps taken for granted.
I have my life to go, i hav to start looking for work.. not taking my time taking care your every small things while you go and do you work..

I have been helping for about 3 months, without really a proper life for myself. I felt so lonely,. as i cant really talk to anyone here about my situation. Why is it so? I feel ppl are not really listening to me. I felt like no friends. I felt like being left behind here. I am stagnant here while my friends are living their life, make their money. I also want to go and work and earn money. BUT i being cant do anything if i stay here. I gotta go. I need to leave this hell... ><

No matter how hard or how helpless situation, i never forgot to reflect. During this period of staying back hometown and basically wasting time, not really wasting, i just spending my time not on myself. I felt a lots of frustation especially when ppl keep asking when i'll be goin again. I have to answer this kind of questions everyday for months... It's getting my nerve... But hopefully after one and another, it will expand my mental capacity although physically i'm quite worn out...

God bless

I am isolated

I am alone. This is what i am feeling rite now. Although we are so near, but we are not connected.

Ahoy matey, here i come again to put some in writing. It seems recently everyone is on very sensitive moody. I said something like "

I hate it when ppl judge me without trying to understand what I had been through.." and there are people say i was refering to them. Hell No my friends, i'm not talking about u. But i'm in my hell down mood and depressed, i dont really have the mind to explain to you...

I did actually ask for encouragement, but failed. Seems everyone is tied up with their own problem. How do i tell when the person doesnt even want to listen... i called, i sms.. failed.

In the end, i hv to settled my own thinking and emotion...

Currently, i felt i'm so isolated. I hang out with my friends, but deep inside me i felt inferior. I dont knw why. I feel like i cant do anything well. I no longer have the confidence i had. I lost the connection to myself, the giant inside me..

I want to get back all those i lost, pride and confidence...

Reality is so hurt..

You know what, i just need a person to listen.. understand what i had felt.. but i couldnt find any now.. everyone is so full of themselves, they are so smart that all they can do is just advice advice or reprimand..

Felt better now venting out some of the feeling..

My courage on taking a choice rather than a chance

Making a decision on choices needs courage and responsible.. But no matter good or bad, most ppl will comment and criticize. However, there are also ppl will stare in admiration on the our courage for taking the steps. And there might be a chance some ppl will follow our steps and making the choice.

I have an old friend told me just now, that i think too much. And the results, i always have choices. So that makes me always think of a way out before really putting in efforts in something. I may say that i am too careful in planning my way, but in fact i believe this is the fear in me that's holding me. Fear, fear that if this does not work out, i should have another way out.

Everyone should have a back up plan, the problem here is if someone (in this case is me lar) focus too much on "what if" e.g what if this can't, what if they do not... etc.. then we cant really give it all our efforts.

Conclusion... sum up with your own comment.. thanks

Do i have to shout to be heard!!??

People are social animal. We like to be in group. However, everyone is unique in their own way. Most of the time, people gather around because of their similarities. Maybe because of their similar background, similar past experiences or similar hobbies and the lists goes on.

However, there are times when a group formed and there is one or two people are being left out. The feeling of being left out is miserable.

I have always having this feeling when going out with my group of best friends. However, sometimes i really doubting am i really a best fren for them?

There is always a gap between me and them. I totally freak out! I felt like i am different, i am strange. I understand everyone is different. I understand that the things we like, out taste, our thinking is different. And one of my fren once said, in a group, everyone has their own post to fill in. So am i here jus to fill in the one that being laughed at or being left out. I dun want to be the last one to know if anyone of my friends have any news. I care for them, it's not that i do not care. I just do not how to ask. I CARE. DO they just think i dun care?

I understand that my thinking pattern maybe different from them. However it is still hurt to being a STRANGER in A GROUP. I couldnt join in their conversation.

So one day, on my friends' graduation, i saw a guy, 'V' trying hard to join in conversation with these friends of mine. I SAW myself. I was crying inside myself. Suddenly i felt, why?.. ==

There are a lots of things that make me felt this way... This feeling would be understood by those who always have people listening when they talk. Am i have to SHOUT to get noticed? I dun like this... :(

What will people say about me if i suddenly just gone?

Our mind has unlimited possibility if we allow it to expands its creativity as it is...

Recently i suddenly have a fear.. a fear of loneliness..

I was thinking, what would other ppl says about me if i suddenly gone, what would my friends says about me.. Probably my friends would say, "he was a friendly chap, but he is too quiet or he is bla bla bla...." Or probably there arent many ppl can says about me because, do they truly know me, Know what i am feeling, Know what i am thinking?

Well, i have to says, this is could be my fault. Normally i wouldnt care to tell ppl what my thinking, i just follows or agreeing most of the time. The reason behind all this was i wasnt confidence enough about my thinking. I would keep the part that i think not good enough from ppl.

I am also too reserved in some ways.. I would tell ppl what they want to know if and if only they truly want to listen to it.. otherwise i would normally just listen and give some short comments..

Because i think, people do not really need others opinion unless they really need it. And if i just anyhow throw it, it might turn them off for telling me more..

Recently i found out, i might listen too much that i do not care about my personal opinion which lies deep down and become more depressed. I become less confidence about my own opinion and my thinking..

Therefore i would like to be more like me. Express what i really feel, care and think without hurting other people's feeling and ego. And care less about what ppl might think about me.

I am afraid. I afraid if i suddenly gone, would i leave any story for my friends to tell? Would i have many shared memories with my friends they can remember me of? No.. i do not want that.. :(

Gui Ling Gao (Herbal Jelly)

As i Suddenly wanted to try to make herbal Jelly. I went to Bugis trying to buy the ingredient without really hoping i can find it.

What is herbal jelly and why is it good for you? Gui ling gao is translated as tortoise jelly. But not to worry as there is no turtle parts in the ingredients. Maybe back in the old days they do but not now as it is illegal to use turtle. The herbal jelly is made out of different herbs and flowers. It help nourish our yin and clear body heat while resolve blood toxin. Also specially effective on recovering skin disorder. The taste might be a little bit bitter but taste great with syrup. Eat this chilled and it's a great dessert.

As this is my first attempt i didn't follow the instruction below. I only use one sachet instead of 5 sachets.

Ingredients:

5 bags of gui ling gao powder
4 1/2 cups water
100 gm rock sugar
1 slab of candy sugar
3/4 cup water

Method:

1. Put 3 cups of water in a pot with the rock sugar. Boil until rock sugar dissolve.

2. While boiling sugar water, mix the 5 bags of jelly powder with 1 cup water. Mix well with a whisk.

3. After the sugar water is ready, slowly pour in the jelly powder mixture. Whisk at the same time when pouring in the sugar water. Risk the bowl with rest of the 1/2 cup of water and pour in the pot. Whisk fast to prevent lumps and for a smooth texture. The jelly thicken up really quick so prepare the molds a head of time.

4. Pour the thick jelly into the molds and let it cool and set. It will set once it cooled. Put all the jelly in the refrigerator.

5. In another pot, mix the sugar slap and 3/4 cup water to make syrup. Boil the sugar until it dissovle and bubble up. It is have a consistency of the honey. Do not over boil as it may get too thick. If that's the case then add more water in and continue to bring to boil again only until it slightly thicken.

6. Pour some syrup over cold jelly and serve.

Optional: You can serve this with honey, condensed milk, or canned fruits.