Recently i suddenly have a fear.. a fear of loneliness..
I was thinking, what would other ppl says about me if i suddenly gone, what would my friends says about me.. Probably my friends would say, "he was a friendly chap, but he is too quiet or he is bla bla bla...." Or probably there arent many ppl can says about me because, do they truly know me, Know what i am feeling, Know what i am thinking?
Well, i have to says, this is could be my fault. Normally i wouldnt care to tell ppl what my thinking, i just follows or agreeing most of the time. The reason behind all this was i wasnt confidence enough about my thinking. I would keep the part that i think not good enough from ppl.
I am also too reserved in some ways.. I would tell ppl what they want to know if and if only they truly want to listen to it.. otherwise i would normally just listen and give some short comments..
Because i think, people do not really need others opinion unless they really need it. And if i just anyhow throw it, it might turn them off for telling me more..
Recently i found out, i might listen too much that i do not care about my personal opinion which lies deep down and become more depressed. I become less confidence about my own opinion and my thinking..
Therefore i would like to be more like me. Express what i really feel, care and think without hurting other people's feeling and ego. And care less about what ppl might think about me.
I am afraid. I afraid if i suddenly gone, would i leave any story for my friends to tell? Would i have many shared memories with my friends they can remember me of? No.. i do not want that.. :(
